The couple has been in a committed monogamous relationship for nearly 10 years. Greenstone, 38, and Hoff, 32, have built a life together in Los Angeles, where they prioritise their relationship and create content about their experiences in a ‘lavender marriage.’
“If anything, I think we are taking the sanctity of marriage to a whole new level,” Greenstone told The Washington Post.Despite their unconventional relationship, they’ve found happiness and support from unexpected places, including conservative commenters who appreciate their commitment.
Calling it a ‘safe package for them’, Greenstone mentioned that some of their most supportive comments online are conservative.
“We are a little different from the conventional definition, because I’m openly talking about it. We’re like the Version 2.0,” Hoff said.
The couple turned their marriage into a profession. Hoff earns most of his money from social media, while Greenstone works as a personal assistant. They spend a large portion of their day creating films and responding to sceptics, supporters, and other curious commenters.
“We found a whole group of people who had never heard of us before who were just like, ‘Oh my gosh, I’m in this relationship and I didn’t know that there were others like me out there!’” Greenstone added.
When they met, both parties felt a strong connection, but neither intended to marry. That began to change after Greenstone visited a spiritual healer, who informed her that she and Hoff shared a ‘spiritual umbilical cord.’ Greenstone texted Hoff, asking if he had feelings for her beyond friendship. He did.
Greenstone and Hoff are part of a growing community of couples who are pushing boundaries and challenging traditional notions of marriage. As Greenstone and Hoff continue to share their story, they’re inspiring others to do the same.“It feels the way that I felt as a kid when I first watched ‘Titanic’. It’s what our love story feels like,” Greenstone said.
According to relationship therapist Joe Kort, mixed-orientation marriages are becoming increasingly common, particularly among straight women who seek emotional connection with gay men.
“A lot of straight women are so tired of patriarchy, and they know that gay — and even bi — guys are going to be less patriarchal,” Kort, who wrote the book “Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?,” he said.
The word ‘lavender marriage’ originated during the Lavender Scare of the mid-20th century, when Sen. Joseph McCarthy (R-Wisconsin) created a moral panic and President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed an executive order purging workers suspected of homosexuality from government employment.
According to Regina Hillman, an assistant professor at the University of Memphis School of Law, “There were … thousands of people who lost their jobs, lost their livelihoods, many lost their lives. It was really frightening. And then some people found a way to exist during that time and not lose their jobs.”
One option is to enter into a lavender marriage, which appears to be a heterosexual partnership but is intended to conceal your homosexual identity.
Other couples are also finding innovative ways to make their relationships work. April Lexi Lee and her wife, Renee Wong, are a same-sex couple who identify as asexual and have a non-traditional partnership. Lee says that marrying Wong allowed her to step into a more traditional feminine role, while Wong explores a more masculine role in their partnership.
In another development, Princess Märtha Louise of Norway and her husband, Durek Verrett, denied speculation that they are in a ‘lavender marriage’ through a video posted to Instagram.
In the post, they laugh off the accusations and change into lavender-coloured outfits, with an on-screen caption that reads, ‘Ordinary isn’t our thing. We just love”. Durek, who identifies as bisexual, also wrote in the video’s description, “Did you think it was lavender? Twist. It’s just love and legacy.”
According to The New York Post, Verrett was engaged to Hank Greenberg in 2007, but the relationship ended in 2015. Speaking with Daily Mail in 2019, Greenberg said, “I loved Durek dearly and wish him all the best, but I don’t have anything nice to say about him. He has immense talent, and I believe in his mission that love is the answer, but I don’t believe in the man anymore.”
This curious trend of lavender marriage has been making the rounds on social media over the past years. A lavender marriage is a union between two people, typically a man and a woman, where one or both partners are LGBTQ+, but the marriage is not based on romantic love. Instead, it’s often a strategic decision to conceal one’s true sexual orientation, gain social or financial benefits, or achieve a sense of stability and companionship.
